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An all-new Pop Culture Beast is coming!
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Friday, May 30, 2014

Comedy Interview: Ken Barnard!


 
I've never seen the movie 'Crimson Tide', but what I would guess that I would take away from it is that you always have to keep on tiding, no matter what color you are dealt.  If this is wrong, then excuse me for only watching 'Mannequin' since I was 14.  I think it may be James Spader's best work.  Today, we have an interview with a comedian who will stand the test of time or at least next to you at a bank.  Here come the words of Ken Barnard!



Riggs: How are you?
Barnard:  I’m okay, but I just ate a lot of rice, so I’m full but with flavorless grain. Is rice a grain?

Riggs:  If you could, how would you plan your own funeral?
Barnard:  Sure! I’d want a video with song that’s kinda sappy and a slideshow of pictures of me. But then I would want it to seamlessly cut into one of those awesome dog rescue videos.
 
Starfucker pro tip – this guy goes to my vet!

Riggs:  Corn: Canned or Fresh?
Barnard:  Either, but one thing I always say to corn before eating it is “see you later!” My girlfriend hates when I make that joke while eating.

Riggs:  What is the thing (tv show, comedian, person etc.) that gave you the idea to start comedy?
Barnard:  Bugs Bunny. “The Rabbit of Seville” will always hold up.

Riggs:  If you could have dinner with any historical figure, what would you suggest as an appetizer?
Barnard:  Friend pickles for Elvis Presley and mozzarella sticks for everybody else.

Riggs:  How many surgeries have you had?
Barnard:  None, but it’s only a matter of time. This makes me more melancholy about mortality than the funeral question…

Riggs:  What are your four favorite state capitals (lower 48)? Please don't say why.
Barnard:  Blowpeka, Kansas.

Riggs:  5 words or less...explain religion.
Barnard:  Whatever floats your boat/Fuckoff.

Riggs:  What are you most proud of in the world?
Barnard:  I think being an empathetic person on a daily basis is something to be proud of, not that I’m perfect at it. Short answer – LIFE!

Riggs:  Any final thoughts? (Although none of your words will be edited, do know that if you do not include nice words about me, I will add them in for you...fyi, my version of you will be very complimentary of me)
Barnard:  Please don’t throw trash on the ground. It’s litteringly killing the planet. Love where you live! Also, can't say enough nice things about Matt Riggs.  Well, I can say enough nice things, but I don't ever want to do that.  He is a joy and a rainbow, wrapped up in a flour tortilla and deep fried in Jesus.

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