A few things before we get to the review. First, I enjoyed the first film. It was a dark and brutal take on the lore of Michael Myers. I enjoyed Rob Zombie's version of the material and was extremely excited for Halloween II. You can see my review of the first film, which Rob Zombie featured on his blog, here.
Second, Regular readers know that I abhor spoilers. I do my best to keep plot details and revelations to a bare minimum on this site. That said, this review WILL contain spoilers.
Read at your own risk.
Thirdly, I mentioned that Rob Zombie featured my review of Halloween on his blog. You can be sure that courtesy will not be repeated because this review is not going to be good.
In fact, if you are worried about spoilers I'll tell you this much so you can avoid them if you, unwisely, decide to see this movie: Halloween II is a complete and utter pile of garbage.
For the full review, with spoilers (and foul language), click the Rawr.
I won tickets to attend the premiere of Halloween II last night. The cast was in attendance and Rob Zombie introduced the movie describing it as "A Bitch To Make" and "Fucking Awesome."
I'm certain he meant that it's a bitch to watch and fucking awful.
Let me start with the good parts of the film before I launch into my diatribe.
There were some great shots. Really uniquely framed and set up scenes that really make it captivating. However, there are only about 3 or 4 of those shots and unfortunately, what happens during these scenes pretty much ruins the effect the cinematography has.
Also, the music is great. Tyler Bates score is quite good. It's atmospheric and appropriate.
So hats off to Cinematographer Brandon Trost and Composer Tyler Bates for providing the only good parts of the film.
Moving on...
The film opens where the last film ends. Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) wanders down a dark street covered in blood and carrying the gun that she previously used to SHOOT MICHAEL MYERS IN THE FACE WITH. She is found by the Sheriff (Brad Douriff)and taken to the hospital. Michael is loaded into an ambulance to be taken god knows where. His escorts discuss having sex with a corpse as they drive along. It is during this light-hearted conversation about having sex with a recently murdered woman that they crash the ambulance.
Into a COW.
One of the paramedics dies instantly. I know that his face was pretty mangled because Zombie insisted on showing it to us five times while his partner groans and smacks his gums. This scene is pretty dark so it's hard to tell what exactly happened to them.Actually, most of the film is extremely dark and hard to make out.
Anyway, I guess the crash woke Michael from his nap and healed his face (despite the gore that seemed to explode all over Laurie at the end of the first one he appears unscathed besides damaged mask) because he climbs out of the ambulance. He gets a piece of glass from the ground and removes the paramedics head.
This is where his mother (Sherri Moon Zombie) shows up. His dead mother who suddenly, inexplicable begins appearing to Michael. She is sometimes joined by a white horse and by Michael's younger self. This is so Michael can talk and express himself when he isn't stabbing people to death with such excessive force that it becomes laughable.
Whenever Michael needs to say something to Mrs. Vorhee- I mean to his mother, it's little Michael who does the talking.
Back at the hospital, Laurie is recovering from her surgeries. Her bones are set, her wounds are stitched. We know this because while Michael is slicing the paramedic's head off we cut back to seeing her nail being pulled off, and her skin being sewn, and her crooked bloodied fingers. She wakes up, stumbles her way to her friend Annie's (Danielle Harris) bed and cries on her. She is discovered by the nurse and sent to her room. The nurse is called away and Laurie decides she wants some medicine for her head.
Long scene short, the nurse stumbles in with her face cut open followed by Michael. What follows is a fifteen minute (give or take) chase scene that is nice homage to the original Halloween II (which is a work of staggering genius compared to this one). Michael catches up to Laurie and attacks her with an axe.
Laurie wakes up from her terrible nightmare and it's One Year Later.
One year. Let's think on this a little.
In the original Halloween and Halloween II, the events all happen on the same night.
In Rob Zombie's versions, the events are separated by one year. That means that Michael Myers, a large hulking monster of a man who killed some 15 people, is wandering the country like Bill friggin Bixby for 365 days.
He lives the life of a travellin' man. Riding the rails, living off the land. All he has is the pack on his back and the shoes on his feet.
See the dog in that picture? This represents Michael's dinner because HE EATS DOGS.
Anyway, Michael eventually heads back home after Mommy says it's time to get the family back together (presumably after his search for purpose by backpacking across America is over) . He shows up all homeless, beardy, and carrying some kind of a bedroll or something (even soulless killers need to be comfortable!) and starts his next killing spree. He kills ferociously using tools like antlers mounted on the fronts of trucks, beats people's heads into walls, stomps someones head until it's nothing but pulp, stabs people dozens of times.
Standard stuff like that. All under the encouraging eye of Mommy and young Michael. Oh, Laurie sees them too. You know, these people she's never set eyes on before are now appearing to her all psychic like.
Oh! I haven't even mentioned Loomis. You know, one of the most iconic protagonists in Horror? The man who knows Michael Myers better than any living person? Yeah, he is on a book tour for the entire movie. He decides to visit Haddonfield to promote his book on Michael. He does a talk show with Chris Hardwick and Weird Al Yankovic, in an admittedly really funny scene, and then goes to his hotel to mope until he sees Michael is back on the news.
There is absolutely NO reason for him to even be in this movie.
Let's get through the rest. Michael kills a bunch of people, including all of Laurie's friends. Laurie reads Loomis' book and learns she is Michael's sister at which point she freaks out and goes to a costume party. She comes home with a friend, finds Annie dead, freaks out again, finds her other friend dead, sees Michael, runs off into the woods, gets rescued by Roach from The People Under The Stairs.
This rescue is short-lived because guess who shows up! You got it. Roach is killed and then rather than just grabbing Laurie, who is stuck inside a car, Michael decides to flip the car over, barehanded, and let it roll into a ditch.
So Beardy Hobo-Michael grabs Laurie and carries her off to some shack to meet the family. The family she talks to. Yes, she has a conversation with the figments from Michael's mind. Now, I know this is supposed to symbolize that brother and sister are experiencing similar psychosis but honestly, it's just plain stupid.
Michael takes his orders from his mother, which of course is firmly established in part one right? It's time for Laurie to die I guess but she is freaking out while being held by Young Michael and here comes Loomis to save the day and redeem himself for telling everyone that Michael is dead and profiteering on the deaths of the people Michael killed.
He comes into the shack, tells Laurie that she is imagining being held and to get up and leave with him. Michael just watches until Mommy says to snap to it.
So he snaps to it and kills Loomis. Yeah, stabs him to death. So Loomis' purpose is to tour for his book and then get killed by the subject of that book. How clever and ironic!
Outside, the Sheriff gets Michael in his sites and shoots him. Michael falls on some kind of metal barbs or something and gets stuck. Laurie, now free of Mommy and Young Michael (??!!??) rushes over to her brother's side. She caresses his face and tells her she loves him and then stabs him to death.
She walks out of the shack wearing his mask, falls to her knees, and pulls off the mask.
The movie ends with her sitting alone in an asylum, looking a lot like Young Michael. Mommy appears with her white horse and Laurie smiles.
(not from film)
The end.
To call this movie convoluted is an understatement. It's a complete mess. The acting is good for the most part. Especially from Brad Douriff and a subdued Danielle Harris. Scout Taylor-Compton spends most of the movie crying or looking like a scrub.
I admired Rob Zombies previous entry. He made Michael scary again but in the sequel, he fails miserably. The movie is not scary at all. It's not intense or even thrilling. There is nothing entertaining about it whatsoever.
Zombie tried to do something interesting in making Laurie Strode go insane. But it falls flat. He'd have been better off making Michael a figment of her imagination and having her be the one killing people. That would have made for a more shocking ending.
Halloween II plays like a final chapter. It certainly has a sense of finality to it. If this is indeed the final Halloween film we'll see, it's a shame it had to end like this. A hyper-violent, muddled, confusing, piece of garbage. Rob Zombie has failed the fans, the franchise and most importantly the legend of Michael Myers. He has taken iconic characters and ruined them, making the Loomis character completely unrecognizable and extremely loathsome. His attempt to be original is a spectacular failure.
2009 has been a bad year for Horror Icons. Friday the 13th was awful. Halloween II is even worse, in fact it's the worst of the entire franchise. That includes Resurrection and Season of the Witch.
I'm truly frightened for Nightmare On Elm Street.
Change? Spare a quarter?
Worse than H20?!?
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