Movie Review: Watchmen

Watchmen
Written by: David Hayter and Alex Tse
Based on the graphic novel by Alan Moore and David Gibbons
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson, Carla Gugino, and Matt Frewer

It is probably the most anticipated movie of the year and one of the most anticipated comic book adaptations in history. You've no doubt seen the trailers, the posters, and the tv spots so I think it's safe to say I don't really need to go to far into plot details. There will be a hundred reviews out there where people dissect this movie and write dissertations about it as if it's the dawning of a new era in film.

I'm not going to do that. I don't have that much loyalty to the source material and to be honest it's just not good enough for that kind of work.

I will start by saying that I don't see what the fuss is about. People talk about Watchmen with such reverence and devotion and I don't understand it. I've read it twice and feel no such dedication. In fact, I was rather underwhelmed. It must be generational. It came out when I was a kid so I was too young to even know it existed, let alone read it. I was 27 when I did finally read it and I had to force myself to finish it. It was a bore to me. I read it again recently and did enjoy it better, but I still failed to see the genius or jump from my chair to proclaim it a masterpiece.


So to be honest, I wasn't that excited about the film and the firs trailer did nothing to change that. The second trailer was a little better and did peak my interest enough to actually see it. I didn't go into the movie as an overexcited fan boy or someone being dragged to see something they didn't want to see.

My point here is that I went into this movie as the average film goer might. Mild interest, no expectations either way, and no real connection to the source material.

I don't think I can get any more objective than that.

That said, Watchmen is a snooze fest.

Let me talk a moment about what works. First and foremost it's Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. He brings this character to life in away I didn't think was possible. I hate to say Jackie Earle Haney IS Rorschach (that seems a little cliche nowadays) but it's pretty close to being true. The majority of the cast is good but its Haley that owns this movie. No other performance stands out, with the exception of Malin Akerman as Laurie Jupiter, except for a different reason that I'll touch on in a moment. Dr. Manhattan is also well done. Crudup portrays his detachment with a rather subtle intensity that works really well.

Another positive is the look of the film. It really is gorgeous to look at. Visually striking, and extremely true to the atmosphere of the comic.

The last positive is this, Snyder took extreme care to remain true to the the comic. Scenes and dialogue are taken directly from the page and put on screen with exacting precision.

This is also a bad thing. Watchmen is not a comic for mainstream audiences and Snyder sticking so close to the source material gives us a movie that will not sit well with mainstream viewers. It's just too dense. Snyder's direction, while at times gives us some stunning visuals, also betrays the comic somewhat.

I'm referring to the slow motion shots. Now, they aren't numerous but when they're used they sort of give the illusion that these crime fighters are super powered. In the comic, these are real people who put on costumes and fight crime. They are not super heroes. They do not have super strength or x ray vision. They are regular people. This is one reason why Dr. Manhattan is such an important part of the story. He is the first true SUPER hero. I don't know if it was a creative decision to sort of make it seem like all the characters have immense strength or if it just looks like it but either way, it sort of takes away from the characters.

I was also slightly underwhelmed by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He wasn't bad by any means. He looks the part and plays the part of The Comedian well, it's just that he seems to lack a certain sort of madness that The Comedian has in the comic. You look at Morgan and see a sort of every man nice guy instead of the sociopath The Comedian is supposed to be.

I mentioned Malin Akerman before. I can honestly say that her performance will be ranked among the worst of the year. It was brutal. It was as if she didn't bother to learn her lines and simply settled for having someone yell them out to her before each take. She has zero passion, zero emotion, and has the same lights out expression on her face for the entire movie.

Another negative? The Music. Wildly out of place and jarring. I think every song is from the 70s (except 99 luft balloons) which is odd since the movie takes place in the 80's. Beyond that, none of them really fit. They all feel shoehorned in and as soon as they start you're yanked out of the movie. There is hardly any orchestration at all and even what little there may have been, I couldn't tell you when or where it occurred.

There is a sex scene that is better suited for a late night Cinemax movie, some of the dialogue is atrocious, its about 45 minutes too long (which means that the 3 hours plus directors cut will probably be unbearable). I found myself getting frustrated and antsy before the last act began. It's that boring. There are a few rather indulgent camera shots as well. We see reference to 300 a couple of times at least and do we really need to see grave stones for 45 seconds and then pull back through a sign that says cemetary? Isn't our location obvious by the hundreds of gravestones we're seeing? This is also the point where another jarring song appears. This sets up another long music videoish montage, of which I believe there are three.

Despite all that, it's not a terrible movie. It has enough good moments to warrant at least one watch. I don't think Warner Bros. has the next Dark Knight here by any means. I'd guess it has one huge weekend and then plummets because this movie's success is all going to be on the shoulders of comic fans. This is not a movie for the mainstream movie going public and in the end I don't see this as ending up particularly successful.

Oh and yes, there is full frontal nudity here. There's a blue penis. Get over it.

Watchmen is in theaters now.