does whatever a spider can...except badly.

Spiderman 3. Undoubtedly, this film will rake in hundreds of millions of dollars. I saw it last night at a midnight showing and have only had a cat nap since. Was the movie that good? Was it so grand that it energized me to face 8 hours at a boring job on practically no sleep? No. Not so much. The movie sucked, gang. I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this but it's true. It's a steamer. Of the Cleveland variety.

I've been looking forward to this movie for a while despite the crappy trailers. Despite knowing deep down it was going to be bad. I had faith in Sam Raimi. He let me down this time.

I won't go into the plot as it's pretty standard. I will say that nearly every character cries...more than once. In fact it got to the point that I was waiting for J. Jonah Jameson, who by the way was completely wasted in this movie, to break into waterworks of his own. I don't mind emotion in a comic movie, in fact I'd say it's sadly lacking. But the amount of tears shed in this movie was staggering and unnecessary. The movie had no emotional resonance whatsoever. Watch for Spidey 3 drinking games to pop up soon. Take a shot every time someone cries. DUIs will skyrocket.

Lets take a moment and focus on the positives. Topher Grace was great. He really has a great screen presence and I hope to see him a lot more. Bruce Campbell also great and very funny. The special effects were top notch as usual, a couple cartoony looking moments not withstanding.

That covers the good. Really.

The bad? Everything else pretty much. The script is awful. Some of the dialogue is groan inducing. There are crowd reaction scenes that are completely unnecessary. I kept thinking to myself "Why are they showing this?" or "Why did they say that?" It seemed to me that, with the exception of Topher Grace, Bruce Campbell, and Kirsten Dunst, everyone phoned in their performances. They seemed to just go through the motions to collect their paychecks. Did I mention that every main character cries? Including ALL of the villains?

So the script sucked, the acting for the most part sucked, the score sucked, the action scenes are dull and uninspired and packed with horrible one liners. Venom was cool, the effects are great and that pretty much sums it up.

Boring, uninspired, overloaded and underperformed.

You'll want to see it on the big screen if just to experience the effects in their glory, but I wouldn't get a full price ticket.

It worries me that the third movies in franchises I'm a fan of lately seem to be awful. X3 was trash, Spidey 3 is crap. Rush Hour 3 looks like junk and I'm starting to get worried about pirates 3. I'll keep the faith for that since the trailer is pretty cool.

So yeah. That's Spidey 3. Dissapointing and crappy. Put THAT on the poster!

Till the next flick,