Burn After Reading Personal Ads

In honor of the DVD and Blu-ray release of Burn After Reading last Sunday, December 21, I scoured the Internet for some crazy personal ads much like Linda Litzke (Frances McDormand) did in the film. I collected these for the most part from Missed Connections and, in keeping with Ms. Litzke, Women for Men on the Washington D.C. (where the film is set) Craigslist.

These are all real ads. Don't worry, any names have been omitted to protect the innocent.

Enjoy the wackiness out there interspersed with some behind the scenes footage from the film.

***
Hey tiny

Hey . . .

I totally missed my chance with you. We were close, so close, and we both pulled away. Then you patched things up at home and that chance is gone.

Just so you know: I'll always regret that lost opportunity.

You are perfection in a tiny little package, and I love you. Just never told you.

Now it's too late.

But I know you're happy with him, so you'll never hear me complain.

***

owner of precious the dog

hi you know who i am. we see each other almost daily would like to get to know you even though i think you are married. dog owner and neighbor

***

Dear Santa

Dear Santa:

I finally decided
what I want in my stocking.
And yes, it's unusual
maybe even quite shocking.

But Santa, you know
that I've been very good.
So here's what I want you
to bring, if you could.

The gift is a "he,"
not an "it," Santa dear.
A man in my stocking,
to be perfectly clear.

He should be witty,
he should be wise.
And strong, and gentle
And easy on the eyes.

Now Santa, there's something
that I can't deny.
I'm married. Yes, married.
I don't plan to lie.

The man in my stocking
should know this, you see.
Maybe he's lonely
and seeking--like me.

Thanks for reading this, Santa.
You have a safe flight.
I'll be checking my stocking
for the secret delight.

Signed,
Seeking in Virginia

***



diva in the house - seeking mr. big type

DIVA IN THE HOUSE - SEEKING MR. BIG TYPE! Life of the party type of alpha male guy {George Clooney - Jamie Foxx - Mr. Bigg Chris Noth types} for possible sex in the city and fun times!!! AGE specific: 30 to 58 young ... I am close to 35

OK what does my version of Mr. Bigg look like? He can be as GQ casual or GQ sheik as he wants to be so long as he is not a prick!!! about it. He is built fine, takes care of himself, pays for everything like the old fashioned way, is clean, healthy and sane with his craziness ...ALA: George Clooney - Jamie Foxx - Mr. Bigg}

I like tall fit men and yes that means like over 6ft so if your short do not lie about it - since I am almost 6ft myself and can tell just standing next to you.

I am just looking for a fun time with a fun guy who knows where all the parties are and would not mind having me go along to share in making memories of fun times that last! It is so lame to go out and see grown ups lining up on the walls just looking for a hook-up or to nice places where people are scared to laugh, and be themselves ... And I am really tired of guys taking me out who are stiff and way too conservative but want to be seen ...

I am into educated men - who are intellectual, great conversationalist, a good person to know and have in ones corner of the world, well rounded, not stuck up - not a snob {someone who thinks whole foods is better than Giant but someone who shops at whole foods because they like to and can afford it - some of you should actually do the research on the gimmick of whole foods and stores like it - might learn a lot}

I hope you are not a serious smoker of anything - pipes and cigars I can tolerate more then cigs - if you smoke on a regular I'm not interested! Clean disease and drug freee - simple drinker, robust appetites for finer delights, and just like to have fun without all the pretense!!!

Me - I am a single beautiful - bootyliscious - breastasis - muscular-childless - pretty woman - educated with a masters - tall and athletic - I like swimming, volleyball, football, hockey, ice skating, sledding, short runs when weather permits, long walks, cooking, eating, good food, good people!

OK now heres the deal - do not send me a pic asking me for a pic - send me details DETAILS about you with the pic ... Age - location - height - free time activities - who are you!!! I am not spam and don't want to play around with emails back and forth ... Be adventurous for goodness sake!
Not into African Men or sexual deviants of perversion ... decent above average wanted...

***

Okay, so they weren't that crazy. Some of the stuff out there would probably get me kicked off the net off if I posted them here. But you get the point. Personal ads can lead to some interesting adventures.

Check out Burn After Reading on DVD and Blu-ray today and see just how crazy things can get.