Blu-ray Review: Big Ass Spider!

A modern day B-movie creature feature that is completely ridiculous and yet totally awesome.   Big Ass Spider is now available to own on Blu-ray/DVD.

Click the RAWR for the full review!

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Film Review - Don Jon

When watching those TV spots for Joseph Gordon-Levitt's new film, Don Jon, you forget it has anything to do with pornography like the original trailer suggested.  Those 30 second ads play it off like a typical love story, a romantic comedy about a tough guy playing hard to read and a tough girl playing hard to get.

The film written and directed by Gordon-Levitt does not forget.  At all.  Pornography is front and center the entire running time.  That's not saying it's a porno, just the topic of pornography works as a motif that mirrors the world Gordon-Levitt created for his characters and story.  It's a strong message that one doesn't expect a first time writer-director to convey so eloquently and so entertainingly, but Gordon-Levitt does it as smooth as Don Jon's slick back hair.

Don Jon centers around Jon Martello (Gordon-Levitt), who has been branded the nickname Don Jon by his boys due to his ability to score a chick every weekend.  He's a simple person.  He only cares about a few things in his life: his body, his pad, his ride, his family, his church, his boys, his girls, and...his porn.  Nothing compares to his porn.  That is until he meets Barbara Sugarman (Scarlett Johansson), a beautiful, smart, old fashioned girl who might be the one if they can find a mutual understanding.

Gordon-Levitt commands the screen as Don Jon, a character that we've never seen him embody, and it's refreshing to see him continue to take risks in his acting career even after transcending into the mainstream.  His transformation into this big-headed, East Jersey, Italian American, oozes of machismo, but manages to keep it from becoming a parody of what could have been a one-note character.  Scarlett Johansson is also unrecognizable as Barbara Sugarman, looking more like Jessica Alba or JLo (or maybe its just the accent and incessant gum chewing) and manages to imbue every word in a veil of sexuality.

These aren't your typical characters in a romantic comedy.  Jon has a porn addiction.  Barbara has control issues.  In both cases, both have these expectations of what a relationship should entail and because of these expectations, it is doomed to fail.  Gordon-Levitt rips a page from Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving and dissects everything that goes into relationships, love, and gender roles in a society that has all those defined for us in his first script.  The screenplay works on many levels and never knocks you over the head with its observations and comparisons to society.

The supporting cast consisting of Julianne Moore, Tony Danza, and Brie Larson to just name a few are also great, clocking in some memorable performances with characters that are just as dynamic as the main ones.

But all these great performances aren't just by accident.  One can see that Gordon-Levitt knows how to hone in on those great performances due to understanding the actor's process and the mindset it entails.  He manages to capture those intimate moments that might not even be evident to more established directors.  Even though I would like to see him direct something that he hasn't written, Don Jon is a great launching pad for his directing career.  If Ben Affleck stole Batman from Gordon-Levitt, then maybe Gordon-Levitt can take away some Affleck's directing chops. So far, so good.

Overall, it's a very light-hearted film that has a lot to say.  Hopefully, it will get the recognition it deserves regardless of its taboo subject and not disappear among all the serious fare that have less to say during awards season.  Definitely a must see.

10 of 10 Hail Mary's

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Movie Review: "Captain America: The First Avenger"

Remember when it only cost a dime to see a movie? When your mom would cool her homemade apple pies on the kitchen window sill? Or when it felt good to say the pledge of allegiance instead of something your teacher made you do?

Well I don't remember those things either, but after seeing "Captain America: The First Avenger" I kinda wish I did.

Comic book movies have been everywhere this summer and thanks to the meticulous attention to detail by Director Joe Johnston (The Rocketeer, October Sky, Jurassic Park III) it is safe to say that in 2011 Marvel is batting 1000!

Johnson, along with screenwriters Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely (The Chronicles of Narnia films), have finally given comic book gurus a perfect action-adventure movie from start to finish. It's all killer and no filler. Set in war torn 1942 you immediately know who are the good guys and who are the bad guys. The cast is filled with A-listers including Tommy Lee Jones, Stanley Tucci, Hayley Atwell (good guys) along with Hugo Weaving and Toby Jones (bad guys).

Donning the iconic mask and shield is actor Chris Evans. Evans is no stranger to the comic book movies and this is actually his 4th. Evans has been good in many of those subpar films ("Fantastic Four" anyone?). But this is without a doubt his best performance in the genre. The character of Steve Rogers becomes a "super soldier" and Chris Evans becomes a bonafide movie star.

Chris Evans' performance as Steve Rogers is the core of the film -- a skinny, frail young man with the heart of a fighter who's only goal is to join the army and fight for his country. That's what his parents did and to him that's what Americans do. This film is not a political film by any stretch of the word and yet, as you sit there watching this boy physically become a man while retaining his "do the right thing" attitude, you can't help but feel a little patriotic.

"Captain America: The First Avenger" is fun, thrilling and epic in a way that hasn't been seen since "Raiders Of The Lost Ark."

If you're looking for the dark gritty despair of "The Dark Knight" or the cynical sarcastic world of "Iron Man" you won't find it here. That's not what this movie or this character is about. Still, "Captain America: The First Avenger" is every bit as good as those previously mentioned films.

Drumroll please… 10 out of 10 shields!!

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Movie Review: Judas Kiss

Judas Kiss
Written by:  Carlos Pedraza
Directed by:  J.T. Tepnapa
Starring: Charlie David, Richard Harmon, Julia Morizawa, Genevieve Buechner, Timo Descamps, Dennis Bateman and Sean Paul Lockhart

If you've read any of the articles I've written in the past for DoorQ.com then you know how tough I am on gay cinema, especially of the genre variety.  It's my belief that as a community we have some amazing stories to tell.  Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of the product we put out is less than stellar.  In fact, it's terrible.

There are exceptions of course dramas like Boy Culture, which I have called probably the best "gay" movie yet.  I still feel like we have a long way go.  None farther than gay genre films.  We just can't seem to get it right.  It seems that producers of genre entertainment value sex over substance, flesh over story and well to put it bluntly they're just terrible almost without exception.  I generalize really to make a point:  Gay genre entertainment sucks.

I think maybe the tide can start to turn because Judas Kiss is a giant leap in the right direction.  I'm not saying that one film can make up for years of less than stellar movies but one movie can open the floodgates and I hope that Judas Kiss does.

Part drama, part sci-fi, part mystery, Judas Kiss is a curious little film about destiny and discovering what can truly shape the course of ones life.  The story revolves around a failed filmmaker, Zachary Wells (Charlie David), who returns to his old school to judge their student film festival.  After he meets and sleeps with the mysterious Danny Reyes (Richard Harmon), the student who everyone believes will win. Things take a turn as Zachary discovers the truth about Danny and face his own mistakes in order to change both of their lives forever.

Don't worry, I won't spoil anything.  That's about as vague as I can be without entering the dreaded spoiler territory.

Judas Kiss caught me off guard.  I have to admit to an unfortunate wariness for gay genre movies like I mentioned before but Judas Kiss overcame that almost immediately thanks in no small part to its wonderful cast.   Most especially, Richard Harmon who is fantastic as Danny Reyes, Charlie David who does excellent as the broken Zachary, and scene-stealer Sean Paul Lockhart who exudes charm and screams for more screen time, even as he owns every scene is in, as Chris Wachowsky.

The great cast is supported by the spot on direction of J.T. Tepnapa, who some might recognize from his days on Star Trek: Hidden Frontier.  He handles this film expertly and should be extremely pleased with what he has done.

Now, I'll say that I really did enjoy this movie quite a lot in fact, but it isn't perfect.  There are some clunky bits of dialogue and a couple scenes are a little cliche and over the top but really only amount to a couple missteps in an otherwise good film.

I did want to take a moment to call out the excellent soundtrack.  I was blown away by the music choices, especially the song at the opening which was pretty amazing.  I wonder if there is a soundtrack available...

In the end, Judas Kiss is a giant leap forward for not only gay genre film but gay cinema in general.  It's a deep multi-layered story brought to life by a stellar cast and a very talented director.  It proves it can still be sexy, you see plenty of skin in this one, while not sacrificing story, even having a pretty good one.

Currently, Judas Kiss is taking various festivals by storm and will be available on DVD this fall from Wolfe Video.

For more information on Judas Kiss including screening information visit the official site.

Judas Kiss

Pop Culture Beast Rating

8/10

RAWR(for more)

Pat's Movie Review: "THOR"

The big blockbuster summer movie season begins today and one word should be on everyone's mind ... "THOR!"

Marvel Pictures has had their ups and downs bringing their comic book heroes to the big screen. For every "Iron Man" there's a "Ghost Rider," for every "Spider-Man 1 & 2" there's a "Fantastic Four 1 & 2." For Marvel, the movies are either great or absolute garbage. Thankfully "THOR" can take it's place right at the top of the heap.

As a kid and comic book fan, Thor was never on my radar because it just seemed corny. So, when I read that Thor was being made into a motion picture, I really didn't care. I figured that they would never be able to cast the part and it would probably go to a professional wrestler who couldn't act and become a mess like "Punisher: War Zone." My opinion changed once I started to read the talent that was uniting behind the camera: Kenneth Branagh and Anthony Hopkins! When it was finally revealed that Chris Hemsworth was attached (so great in the Star Trek reboot as James T. Kirk's heroic father) I started to get excited. Once Marvel revealed the first photo of Hemsworth in full Thor regalia & I was hooked.

Casting has never been more important in a superhero movie. There is no mask to hide the hero's face or a pair of horn-rimmed glasses to create an alter-ego. In this first installment all you get is Thor. Fortunately, whether he is in Asgard speaking to kings and warriors, or on Earth speaking to mere mortals, Chris Hemsworth IS The Mighty Thor from start to finish.

Helmets off to director Kenneth Branagh and screenwriters Ashley Edward Miller, Zack Stentz and Don Payne. The screenwriters have achieved the perfect balance between the mythical world of Asgard and planet Earth while Branagh steps into new territory with his first comic book movie, doing a perfect job of keeping the acting and action at a high level without losing momentum.

"THOR" is filled with science fiction, action, super-heroics and humor. Natalie Portman will never be nominated for an "Academy Award" for her portrayal of Jane Foster, yet she is world's better here than she was in "Black Swan." The supporting cast is perfect too: Tom Hiddleston as Thor's brother Loki and Colm Feore as King Laufey are just the right one-two punch of evil.

My final accolade goes to Marvel Studios and Paramount Pictures because they have finally made a movie trailer that didn't show all of the movies cards. By playing it close to the vest they have allowed the audience to be surprised during every frame of the movie. A movie trailer does not need to have "3-act structure" it should only get the audience curious and excited. Example: The trailer for "Green Lantern" is great but makes me feel like I have already seen the movie.

With that, Gods and Mortals, I bestow upon you my final declaration...

Drumroll please...8 out of 10 Hammers!!!

RAWR(for more)

Garon's Movie Review: Thor

Thor
Written by:  Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz and Don Payne.  Story by: J. Michael Straczynski and Mark Protosevich.  Based on characters created by:  Stan Lee, Larry Lieber and Jack Kirby
Directed by: Kenneth Branagh
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgård, Kat Dennings, Clark Gregg, Idris Elba , Colm Feore, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Josh Dallas, Jaimie Alexander, and Rene Russo

The God of Thunder finally graces the the big screen, at least since Adventures In Babysitting, and contrary to my expectations, it's pretty good!

To be honest, I thought a Thor solo film would be a disaster.  I just thought his Norse mythology would prove to heavy for American audiences to digest.  Well, I'm happy to say I was wrong.

For this movie to be successful, Thor must be perfectly cast and I'm happy to say that Chris Hemsworth is perfectly cast.  He does a great job and brings Thor to life better than I would have thought possible.  Equal parts cocky and charming, his Thor is spot on.

Natalie Portman is pretty good as well here.  She doesn't have all that much to do to be honest but she's cute and quirky so it doesn't much matter.  I will say that Kat Dennings is a bit of a scene stealer as the comic relief but again, there wasn't much of her.

Anthony Hopkins turns in a great performance as Odin.  He really pulls off the multi-layered role of King and Father quite well.   I'm not sure anyone else would be any better for this role because he knocked it out of the park.

I have to say that I loved Tom Hiddelston's Loki.  I can't wait to see him in other films.  He is supposedly signed for three other Marvel titles.

As for Rene Russo, I have no idea why she is even there.  She has about four lines.

The rest of the cast does great as well, even if people seem to not like some of the characters.  I'll let you form your own opinion on The Warrior's Three.  Personally, I think the writer had no idea what to do with them.

The story finds Thor stripped of his powers and exiled to Earth after defying Odin's orders and essentially reigniting a war.  He has to learn valuable life lessons in order to become worthy of wielding Mjolnir (his magic hammer) again.

I won't say anything else for fear of spoiling.

I'll say that things seem to move pretty fast and it does feel like there were a lot of things cut out.  No doubt victims of test screenings.  These chops are noticeable but don't really take much away from the film itself.  I found myself thinking, "oh it feels like something was supposed to happen there, " just for a moment before slipping back into the world again.

Here comes my soap box moment:  DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE IN 3D.  It is unnecessary and only continues the tradition of lousy conversions.  The picture was much darker and at times felt slightly curved.  It does nothing to enhance the film and again is a big fat waste of money.  Plus I left with my eyes hurting.  Seriously, no 3D.  I beg you.

The visuals of Asgard are spectacular and the 3D does nothing but dim them.  It's sad really.  I don't understand why this has not gone away yet.  It's frustrating to say the least.


In the end, while Thor is not a perfect movie, it's a fun one that turned out better than I could ever have imagined.  It's a great look into the mythology of the character and his world.  It moves fast and it might feel a bit pat over all in terms of "learning his lesson" but at the end of the day it's pretty awesome to see Thor beating the holy hell out of things with that hammer.

Thor opens May 6!  That's tomorrow!

Also, be sure to stay through the credits.

Thor

Pop Culture Beast Rating

7/10

RAWR(for more)

Movie Review: Where The Wild Things Are

Where The Wild Things Are

Written by: Spike Jonze & Dave Eggers, Based on the book by Maurice Sendak

Directed by: Spike Jonze

Starring: Max Records, Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo, Catherine O'Hara, Paul Dano, Chris Cooper, Forest Whitaker, Michael Berry Jr., Lauren Ambrose, and James Gandolfini

I plan to keep this review short. Mainly because this movie is a bit difficult to really review. I think it is an extremely personal film that is going to mean an entirely different thing to pretty much anyone who watches it.

Some are going to hate it. They won't understand it. They'll sit slack jawed as the message and theme of the movie flies over their heads. Some will shrug and say okay and leave unimpressed. But there are those who will fall completely and utterly under its spell. Those who feel as if it is their own story being laid out across the screen. Those who feel like Max could be an extension of themselves.

This is both the beauty of this film and its biggest flaw. It might not be relatable enough for everyone to truly enjoy the film, but for those that can relate it's extremely profound.

Max Records gives a remarkable performance. He brings such a humanity to the role that it is at times staggering, even when he's being a brat. It's quite simply the most genuine and natural performance of the year. That coupled with the surprising voice talent makes up for a deeply touching and melancholy film. The wild things are voiced by some surprising actors including Chris Cooper, Forest Whitaker, Paul Dano, James Gandolfini, Lauren Ambrose, and Catherine O'Hara. These are not names I would think of when considering voice work but they are all absolutely perfect in their roles.

The creature effects are astounding. The wild things really do look incredible in action. They're truly flawless. As is Spike Jonze's directing. The film is just a beauty to behold and experience. I would love to see the original version without whatever alleged compromises had to be made.

The soundtrack is fantastic as well. Karen O delivers a highly addicting collection of songs that matches the emotional theme of the film perfectly.

While Where The Wild Things Are is not the rollicking family adventure you may be expecting. Instead, it is a deeply personal and touching rumination on what it's like to be a child who feels alone and one who escapes into his imagination (or did he escape to someplace real? Up to you to decide). The film is wonderfully crafted, wrought with emotions and excitement, laughs and tears.

I am not sure I was prepared for this movie to hit a nerve the way that it did, but isn't that the sign of a great film? One that effects you in a way you did not anticipate? At one point, I was in tears because the movie brought up feelings that I hadn't had in quite a long time. That is the kind of movie I love, and I loved this film.

Where The Wild Things Are is not for everyone, which is unfortunate because that means it might not get the accolades it deserves. I do think it is a film that everyone needs to see, and hopefully a lot will, even if its just to see how brilliantly this film is put together in every possible aspect; from script to soundtrack to acting and directing. Maybe it will touch you as much as it touched me and maybe it won't. We'll have to wait and see how the general audience reacts when the dust settles next week.

Where The Wild Things Are hits theaters today.

RAWR(for more)

Movie Review: The Informant!

Steven Soderbergh's The Informant! is not an easy film to write about. There is so much to like in the movie, the performances are strong, the writing is inventive and never settles for easy jokes, and the direction is strong. Yet, somehow, The Informant! manages to disappoint despite all that it has going for it.

The Informant!, despite whatever faults it may have, is an extremely challenging movie. It tells the story of Mark Whitacre (Matt Damon turning in one of his most fully developed performances ever) executive turned whistle-blower at lysine developing company ADM. When the FBI begins to investigate ADM, Mark turns spy exposing an illegal-multinational price-fixing scheme that leads all the way to the top of his company. As new truths and new lies about ADM begin to surface, the honesty or lack thereof of Mark is also called into question. Oh yeah, and this is all a comedy.

Click the Rawr! for the full review.

There are so many things to like about The Informant!, first and foremost among them is the stellar cast. In addition to Matt Damon, Soderbergh managed to get some of the finest character actors (a surprising number of them stand-up comedians) to round out his cast. Featuring The Smothers Brothers, Scott Bakula, Thomas F. Wilson, Clancy Brown and Patton Oswalt, Soderbergh's cast manages to be well-controlled and subtle as the film grows progressively more and more ridiculous. But, at the end of the day, this is really Matt Damon's show. Here, under some additional weight and one of the best (or at least funniest) mustaches, he really does give a complex and deeply layered performance. By turns hilarious and infuriating Damon's Whitacre pulls off the difficult task of adding humanity to corporate America, while still being enough of a weasel that you can detest him.

Also the writing of the film is mature and interesting. Whitacre, as well as all of the characters surrounding him, are filled with just enough moral ambiguity to prevent them from being outright caricatures (which the film gets awfully close to doing). Covering similar territory as his deeply felt, and critically acclaimed, Erin Brockovich covered almost a decade ago, Soderbergh seems right at home with the sharp, often uncompromising writing. (Special note: The Informant! is the first comedy I've seen in a long time that does not rely on a single cheap joke, such as potty-humor.)

With all this going for it The Informant! managed to miss the mark. While Matt Damon's performance is uncompromising and astonishing, the character is too milquetoast for an audience member to feel sorry for or identify with. He is not even interesting enough that he falls into the anti-hero-you-like-to-hate category. Watching Damon build this intricate house of lies makes you uncomfortable to be in his head (at times throughout the movie Damon narrates Whitacre's thoughts), and, being that he is in every scene, makes the task of identifying with/caring about what happens to him a near impossibility.

Though the movie is set in the 90s throughout the film Soderbergh seemed to be going for a 70s retro feel. From the score (by three time Oscar winner Marvin Hamlisch) to the on-screen graphics, this retro-ness permeates. Something about the way that this was balanced makes it feel really muddled and schizophrenic, almost as if it was added for no reason other than to be cool.

The Hamlisch score, while not bad music in and of itself, (at least at the screening I attended) was a huge distraction. In keeping with the rest of the film it is a 70s era throwback, but it is overbearingly loud, and does not work to compliment the film, but rather distracts from it. It almost inspires the feeling that you are attending a film of one kind and a disparate concert, and that everybody is trying to make it work, but it just doesn't.

The Informant! is an interesting movie, it may even be an engaging movie, however it is not a satisfying movie. There is plenty to like but, unfortunately, the film disappoints.

The Informant! is in theaters now.

RAWR(for more)

Movie Review: Halloween 2

A few things before we get to the review. First, I enjoyed the first film. It was a dark and brutal take on the lore of Michael Myers. I enjoyed Rob Zombie's version of the material and was extremely excited for Halloween II. You can see my review of the first film, which Rob Zombie featured on his blog, here.

Second, Regular readers know that I abhor spoilers. I do my best to keep plot details and revelations to a bare minimum on this site. That said, this review WILL contain spoilers.

Read at your own risk.

Thirdly, I mentioned that Rob Zombie featured my review of Halloween on his blog. You can be sure that courtesy will not be repeated because this review is not going to be good.

In fact, if you are worried about spoilers I'll tell you this much so you can avoid them if you, unwisely, decide to see this movie: Halloween II is a complete and utter pile of garbage.

For the full review, with spoilers (and foul language), click the Rawr.



I won tickets to attend the premiere of Halloween II last night. The cast was in attendance and Rob Zombie introduced the movie describing it as "A Bitch To Make" and "Fucking Awesome."

I'm certain he meant that it's a bitch to watch and fucking awful.

Let me start with the good parts of the film before I launch into my diatribe.

There were some great shots. Really uniquely framed and set up scenes that really make it captivating. However, there are only about 3 or 4 of those shots and unfortunately, what happens during these scenes pretty much ruins the effect the cinematography has.

Also, the music is great. Tyler Bates score is quite good. It's atmospheric and appropriate.

So hats off to Cinematographer Brandon Trost and Composer Tyler Bates for providing the only good parts of the film.

Moving on...

The film opens where the last film ends. Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) wanders down a dark street covered in blood and carrying the gun that she previously used to SHOOT MICHAEL MYERS IN THE FACE WITH. She is found by the Sheriff (Brad Douriff)and taken to the hospital. Michael is loaded into an ambulance to be taken god knows where. His escorts discuss having sex with a corpse as they drive along. It is during this light-hearted conversation about having sex with a recently murdered woman that they crash the ambulance.

Into a COW.

One of the paramedics dies instantly. I know that his face was pretty mangled because Zombie insisted on showing it to us five times while his partner groans and smacks his gums. This scene is pretty dark so it's hard to tell what exactly happened to them.

Actually, most of the film is extremely dark and hard to make out.

Anyway, I guess the crash woke Michael from his nap and healed his face (despite the gore that seemed to explode all over Laurie at the end of the first one he appears unscathed besides damaged mask) because he climbs out of the ambulance. He gets a piece of glass from the ground and removes the paramedics head.

This is where his mother (Sherri Moon Zombie) shows up. His dead mother who suddenly, inexplicable begins appearing to Michael. She is sometimes joined by a white horse and by Michael's younger self. This is so Michael can talk and express himself when he isn't stabbing people to death with such excessive force that it becomes laughable.

Whenever Michael needs to say something to Mrs. Vorhee- I mean to his mother, it's little Michael who does the talking.

Back at the hospital, Laurie is recovering from her surgeries. Her bones are set, her wounds are stitched. We know this because while Michael is slicing the paramedic's head off we cut back to seeing her nail being pulled off, and her skin being sewn, and her crooked bloodied fingers. She wakes up, stumbles her way to her friend Annie's (Danielle Harris) bed and cries on her. She is discovered by the nurse and sent to her room. The nurse is called away and Laurie decides she wants some medicine for her head.

Long scene short, the nurse stumbles in with her face cut open followed by Michael. What follows is a fifteen minute (give or take) chase scene that is nice homage to the original Halloween II (which is a work of staggering genius compared to this one). Michael catches up to Laurie and attacks her with an axe.

Laurie wakes up from her terrible nightmare and it's One Year Later.

One year. Let's think on this a little.

In the original Halloween and Halloween II, the events all happen on the same night.

In Rob Zombie's versions, the events are separated by one year. That means that Michael Myers, a large hulking monster of a man who killed some 15 people, is wandering the country like Bill friggin Bixby for 365 days.

He lives the life of a travellin' man. Riding the rails, living off the land. All he has is the pack on his back and the shoes on his feet.


See the dog in that picture? This represents Michael's dinner because HE EATS DOGS.

Anyway, Michael eventually heads back home after Mommy says it's time to get the family back together (presumably after his search for purpose by backpacking across America is over) . He shows up all homeless, beardy, and carrying some kind of a bedroll or something (even soulless killers need to be comfortable!) and starts his next killing spree. He kills ferociously using tools like antlers mounted on the fronts of trucks, beats people's heads into walls, stomps someones head until it's nothing but pulp, stabs people dozens of times.

Standard stuff like that. All under the encouraging eye of Mommy and young Michael. Oh, Laurie sees them too. You know, these people she's never set eyes on before are now appearing to her all psychic like.

Oh! I haven't even mentioned Loomis. You know, one of the most iconic protagonists in Horror? The man who knows Michael Myers better than any living person? Yeah, he is on a book tour for the entire movie. He decides to visit Haddonfield to promote his book on Michael. He does a talk show with Chris Hardwick and Weird Al Yankovic, in an admittedly really funny scene, and then goes to his hotel to mope until he sees Michael is back on the news.

There is absolutely NO reason for him to even be in this movie.

Let's get through the rest. Michael kills a bunch of people, including all of Laurie's friends. Laurie reads Loomis' book and learns she is Michael's sister at which point she freaks out and goes to a costume party. She comes home with a friend, finds Annie dead, freaks out again, finds her other friend dead, sees Michael, runs off into the woods, gets rescued by Roach from The People Under The Stairs.


This rescue is short-lived because guess who shows up! You got it. Roach is killed and then rather than just grabbing Laurie, who is stuck inside a car, Michael decides to flip the car over, barehanded, and let it roll into a ditch.

So Beardy Hobo-Michael grabs Laurie and carries her off to some shack to meet the family. The family she talks to. Yes, she has a conversation with the figments from Michael's mind. Now, I know this is supposed to symbolize that brother and sister are experiencing similar psychosis but honestly, it's just plain stupid.

Michael takes his orders from his mother, which of course is firmly established in part one right? It's time for Laurie to die I guess but she is freaking out while being held by Young Michael and here comes Loomis to save the day and redeem himself for telling everyone that Michael is dead and profiteering on the deaths of the people Michael killed.

He comes into the shack, tells Laurie that she is imagining being held and to get up and leave with him. Michael just watches until Mommy says to snap to it.

So he snaps to it and kills Loomis. Yeah, stabs him to death. So Loomis' purpose is to tour for his book and then get killed by the subject of that book. How clever and ironic!

Outside, the Sheriff gets Michael in his sites and shoots him. Michael falls on some kind of metal barbs or something and gets stuck. Laurie, now free of Mommy and Young Michael (??!!??) rushes over to her brother's side. She caresses his face and tells her she loves him and then stabs him to death.

She walks out of the shack wearing his mask, falls to her knees, and pulls off the mask.

The movie ends with her sitting alone in an asylum, looking a lot like Young Michael. Mommy appears with her white horse and Laurie smiles.

(not from film)

The end.

To call this movie convoluted is an understatement. It's a complete mess. The acting is good for the most part. Especially from Brad Douriff and a subdued Danielle Harris. Scout Taylor-Compton spends most of the movie crying or looking like a scrub.

I admired Rob Zombies previous entry. He made Michael scary again but in the sequel, he fails miserably. The movie is not scary at all. It's not intense or even thrilling. There is nothing entertaining about it whatsoever.

Zombie tried to do something interesting in making Laurie Strode go insane. But it falls flat. He'd have been better off making Michael a figment of her imagination and having her be the one killing people. That would have made for a more shocking ending.

Halloween II plays like a final chapter. It certainly has a sense of finality to it. If this is indeed the final Halloween film we'll see, it's a shame it had to end like this. A hyper-violent, muddled, confusing, piece of garbage. Rob Zombie has failed the fans, the franchise and most importantly the legend of Michael Myers. He has taken iconic characters and ruined them, making the Loomis character completely unrecognizable and extremely loathsome. His attempt to be original is a spectacular failure.

2009 has been a bad year for Horror Icons. Friday the 13th was awful. Halloween II is even worse, in fact it's the worst of the entire franchise. That includes Resurrection and Season of the Witch.

I'm truly frightened for Nightmare On Elm Street.

Change? Spare a quarter?

Halloween II arrives in theaters on Friday, August 28th, but you should see The Final Destination instead, that might at least be some fun. Better yet, watch the original movies.

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Movie Review: Hayao Miyazaki's Ponyo

Studio Ghibli Once Again Conjures Magic With Ponyo.

As one of the modern masters of animation, Hayao Miyazaki has brought amazing worlds to life though such films as My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and most recently Howl’s Moving Castle. His films are best known for their ability to capture the essence of childhood and create subtle yet fantastic worlds that rival the best Hollywood has to offer.

Proclaimed as his final directorial effort with Studio Ghibli, Ponyo is strongly reminiscent of Miyazaki’s past works. Like Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro, it transports us to a strange world which borders on the one we know. With the title character, Miyazaki has created yet again a strong female lead which we immediately sympathize with. In tone, the film is most similar to My Neighbor Totoro which was also told from a child’s point of view and seeks to capture the feelings associated with youth's innocence.

However, despite all of its beauty and charm, the film does manage to lose a great deal of its momentum in its third act due to the plot unexpectedly evaporating. It is not that this is a bad choice per se so much as it is an unexpected one. All of the tension which has been continually building just disappears, only to be followed by a swift resolution. As a result, the viewer is left with one of those “Really, that’s it?” feelings.

I don’t want to give away too much of the plot, since one of the joys of seeing a Miyazaki film is being Spirited Away to an unpredictable world which is both strange and familiar. In brief though, the story of Ponyo revolves around a human-faced Goldfish who is the daughter of Fujimoto, an undersea magician. Throughout the movie, she meets a boy, falls in love with him, and nearly causes the destruction of the world as a result.

Plot-wise, Ponyo is very different from Miyazaki’s most recent films in that it has no real antagonist. In fact, Ponyo herself causes all of the conflict through her actions, despite being motivated by love. Just don’t expect it to be Howl’s Moving Castle or Princess Mononoke, which were more focused upon the hero’s triumph over adversity.

Although possibly less “flashy” than any other animated fare gracing screens this summer, Ponyo is nothing less than beautiful. One cannot deny the deft artistry and hard work involved here. In an age where there are dozens of CG animation studios flooding theaters with the technological achievement of the week, it is incredibly refreshing to witness the warm, “human” quality that only hand-drawn 2D animation can capture.

Ponyo is a fantastic film for all ages. Although the theater which I saw it in was filled with small children, there was none of the crying and restlessness which usually accompanies the last half. Despite its shortcomings in the plot department, I felt that the entire audience was completely mesmerized by Miyazaki's vision.

And really, what more can you ask from animation than that?

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