Great Moments In Pop Culture Uncoolness: SHAWTY

by Kari Tervo

So there's this concept called the mondegreen, when you mis-hear a song lyric as another word. I've done that a bunch, and here's one I cringe at. I love hip-hop, but I'm not always. . .hip. 

Here are some GREAT MOMENTS IN POP CULTURE UNCOOLNESS:
 

2003: In Da Club by 50 Cent is released. Kari rocks out to the song every time it comes on, and one day looks to her friend and says, "I love this song! But who's Charlotte?" Friend says, "What are you talking about?" Kari replies, "You know, he says, 'Go Charlotte, it's your birthday!'" Friend smacks her forehead and says, "Shawty. It's go SHAWTY."

2004: Kari is standing in the coffee cart line at work, and a guy standing behind her looks her up and down and says, Daaaamn, shawty! And Kari thinks he is remarking on her height and chipperly responds, "I know, I am really short. I'm only 5 feet tall!" Guy looks at her in utter disbelief and shakes his head.

 

Go! Go! Go! Go Charlotte! It's your birthday!

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Jack White Cries Seizure in a Crowded Theater, Proves He's a Jack Ass

by Kari Tervo

Never cry wolf.

Don't shout fire in a crowded theater.

These are maxims we learn as young children. We hear the fable of the boy who repeatedly falsely warned his village that they were in danger, only to be ignored when a wolf really came around. Americans have all learned about not calling false fire alarms ever since the 1913 Italian Hall Disaster in Calumet, Michigan. Our parents and teachers take the time to make us unequivocally understand that it is unacceptable to fake a serious safety or emergency situation. 

Why are all children taught these phrases? And why are there serious civil and criminal consequences for people who, say, call in a fake bomb threat? There are three obvious reasons: 

1) To fake an emergency leads to an unnecessary mobilization of important resources. 

2) It may result in actual tragedy.

For instance, in the Italian Hall disaster, 73 people died in a trampling stampede after someone falsely shouted "Fire!" at a community Christmas party.

And 3) When there actually is an emergency at a later time, those fooled may not respond.

These are things we all know. This is common sense. People with moderately-severe cognitive problems (e.g., mental retardation, dementia) can be taught not to do these things. If they are at risk for irresponsible behavior on this level, they require constant supervision.

So what the hell is wrong with Jack White? Did you hear what Rolling Stone said he did in a recent London show?

CLICK RAWR TO REFRESH JACK WHITE ON BASIC SAFETY!

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BLOG ZINE: Look In, or Look Out

by Kari Tervo

Hi. So. . .it's been a while. I was studying for a professional exam (I passed YEAH!), I got a new job, and my dog died. Transitions make me reflect, look within, and see myself in a different context, so here's a couple of zines on that theme: one looks out towards the world of circus performance, and the other stays within, examining life's personal details.

Here's the FAQ if you want a refresher.

Here's my rating system:

Here’s my Rating System:
Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !

It's Aiight: .

Maybe If You're Into That Sort of Thing:  ?

CLICK RAWR TO BE AWESOME!

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Beyond Tarot: Los Angeles Psychic Sterling Talks Motivation and Manifestation

by Kari Tervo

I want to tell you about Sterling's approach to manifestation and the Tarot card reading I had with her the other day. But first, a story of a psychic of a different kind:

"Hey! Hey you! Hey! Girl!" the woman barked from inside her shop. I realized she was talking to me. I turned towards the shop and saw a middle-aged woman on a couch, leaning forward on a cane for support. On the table in front of her was a crystal ball. The sign on the window alleged OLGA: PSYCHIC TO THE STARS. Psychic? What would a psychic want to do with me? I wrinkled my eyes in confusion.

"I called you in because of your aura," Olga intoned. "Your aura is brown. That's very bad. You need to do something about that now, before you go black. If your aura turns black, you'll never come back."

It was true that I was depressed. Visiting Los Angeles on a break from grad school, I arrived to find that my boyfriend, who I had left behind here, was in love with someone else. I felt alone, despondent, and very near to hopeless. I was 23.

"Come sit down, girl," Olga directed. I hesitated, but then I realized that if nothing else, Olga would be a listening ear. 

"What's wrong?" she demanded. "My boyfriend broke up with me," I meekly whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I'm getting that he left you for someone else." Olga acted like she was reading the ether. "Yes," I sniffed. 

"I'm getting the initials N and L," Olga continued, bolstered. "Do those mean anything to you?"

Yes, they were his initials, except backwards. But I was too sad to be impressed. Olga looked pleased with herself.

"And you should know that a woman with black hair is going to be your worst enemy. She will try to harm you. Do you know any women with black hair?" Yes, any number of women, from my graduate school adviser to my sister. So at this, I wrinkled my nose with skepticism. No matter how vulnerable I was at the moment, I was not going to fall for some carnival-barker cold read.

Olga sensed she was losing me. "This woman has put a curse on you," she ominously announced. "It is very bad. If you pay me, I can take the curse off of you. I have done this for celebrities like OJ Simpson."

 CLICK RAWR TO SEE INTO YOUR FUTURE!

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Ellen DeGeneres Crashes Twitter with (Record-Setting?) Oscars Selfie!

by Kari Tervo

Trying to log into your Twitter account and you're getting the "Something Is Technically Wrong" message? That clumsy robot hasn't just screwed it up for you--Ellen DeGeneres has crashed Twitter with an Oscars mass-celebrity-selfie taken from her tablet in the theater aisle during the show! She was trying to achieve the most-retweeted photo in Twitter history. 

According to downrightnow.com, Twitter has been experiencing a "likely service disruption" since shortly after the photo was posted.

You can't see it on Twitter right now, but the celebrity-studded photo features the likes of Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, and Ellen herself.

Ellen's Star-Studded Selfie, swiped from her Facebook.

Congratulations on a fun Oscars stunt, Ellen! I just wish I could tweet about it. . . :p

CLICK RAWR FOR SOME MIND-CRASHING UPDATES! 

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Shia LaBeouf's Misguided Concept Art: A Day in the Line at #IAMSORRY

by Kari Tervo

Shia La Beouf has been annoying me for months now. First I heard that he plagiarized like, an entire graphic novel by Daniel Clowes. Then I heard that he plagiarized Tiger Woods and Robert McNamara in issuing "apologies" on Twitter. I instantly smelled a rat. There is no way anyone would plagiarize in the course of apologizing for plagiarism. This, I said to myself, is an "artiste" who is trying to "teach" us something. And I became annoyed, because who is Shia LaBeouf to teach me anything? I've never seen any of his movies, and I couldn't pick him out of a lineup, but he's taking it upon himself to make some kind of "point" to the public? About what? Fame and creativity, I guess. 

Where have we heard that before? Remember when Joaquin Phoenix was all weird on Letterman and engaging in far too much beardery and whatnot? And then it all turned out to be for his documentary, I'm Still Here. Which I did not see and will not see, because I simply cannot tolerate it when celebrities get all high-falutin-patootin' on themselves and start thinking they have something to say to their public.

That's the feeling I was getting from Shia LaBoeuf's antics pretty early on in this thing. I tweeted him as such on December 18, 2013, when his "plagiarized" Woods and McNamara tweets were reported:

@thecampaignbook Naw, now you're just trolling us with the copied Tiger Woods and Robert McNamara quotes. Is this really Joaquin Phoenix?

Like, I am onto you.

CLICK RAWR FOR SHIA LABEOUF TO CONSENT TO YOUR INSULTS!

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Justin Bieber's Sweet Swag Struggle

by Kari Tervo

Justin Bieber walks into a Starbucks not wearing a shirt. . .The punch line is, "And an LA Clipper punches him in the face."

  

This is not a joke! This is real life, David! I don't condone the face-punching, but what the hell is going on with Justin Bieber? And I'm not talking about any potential mental illness or substance abuse difficulties; I'm talking about the boy's swag.

CLICK RAWR TO GET SWOLL AND SUGARED!

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BLOG ZINE! It's Los Angeles Zine Week!

by Kari Tervo

ZINEY BEASTERS! This is a very exciting week. It's LA ZINE WEEK!!! LA Zine Week is when many of the good people of the zine scene converge on Los Angeles for a week of zine events, like readings, music performances, and finally, LA ZINE FEST! That's on Sunday, February 16th, 2014. omg! You should go!

I'll be at LA Zine Fest this year, slinging my humor zine, Shards of Glass In Your Eye! and collecting donations for my volunteer project, Zines for Troops! Stop by my table and say hi!

And. . .omg, I can't believe this is happening, but I will be rapping (!) at Aurora Lady's launch party for her new zine, Don't Hide Behind Your Skirt! That's at Pop Hop in Highland Park on February 12th. I hope you can check out some fabulous Zine Week events!

As if you can't already tell I'm excited about Zine Week, I'm so freakin' excited that I'm reviewing three zines this week! Here's the FAQ, long-haired freaky people! You don't got to have a membership card to get inside.

Here's my rating system:

Here’s my Rating System:
Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !

It's Aiight: .

Maybe If You're Into That Sort of Thing:  ?

CLICK RAWR FOR SOME GREAT READS FOR A STRONG WEEK!

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Greystone Manor Supperclub: Tacky Returns to Hollywood

by Kari Tervo

When one thinks of a "supperclub," one thinks of a classy 1950s cabaret, with accommodating staff and patrons on their best behavior dressed to the nines. A name like Greystone Manor Supperclub is likely intended to invoke such an era. With its opulent decor and its name borrowed from nearby Graystone Mansion, an elegant Beverly Hills estate, one would expect some taste and class. However, Greystone Manor Supperclub, a nightclub in West Hollywood, has about all the class of a Venice boardwalk t-shirt shop. The place is tacky, sleazy, and overtly capitalistic.

I love nightlife! I'm a sucker for a great sound system and a high-energy dance floor, drink prices be damned. So I recently decided to check the place out after suddenly running into VIP tickets. SBE Nightlife, headed by Sam Nazarian, runs the place. I was excited to experience the club, which has a great deal of buzz. However, I was disappointed by the club and the churlish staff behavior. Here's a run-down of what you can expect at Greystone Manor Supperclub:

CLICK RAWR TO GIVE THE SIDE-EYE TO GREYSTONE MANOR!

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BLOG ZINE! Anecdotes and Dozey-Dotes and Little Lambs Eat Punk Bands

by Kari Tervo

Hey there, zine star. You're lookin' good tonight. Baby, you must be New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, because you stop traffic. Purrrr. . . Here's the FAQ. I'd read it to you, but when you're around, I can't see through all the stars in my eyes. Can I get you a drink? I promise I won't slip somethin' in it. No? Okay, baby. Then let me give you this zine review allll niiiiight loooong.

Here's my rating system:

Here’s my Rating System:
Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !

It's Aiight: .

Maybe If You're Into That Sort of Thing:  ?

Freak Tension 15th Anniversary Issue
Rating: !!.
Price: not listed
MP Johnson
freaktension@yahoo.com
www.freaktension.com

CLICK RAWR TO FREAK OUT!

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INDO YOGA: Lose Your Balance; Gain Namaste-bility

by Kari Tervo

wobble wobble WHOMP!

wobble wobble WHOMP!

No, you didn't just wander into a dubstep song. That's me falling off my Indo Yoga Board at an Indo Yoga demonstration class the other day. I just giggled, cuz the thing is only like an inch off the floor. Based on Stand-Up Paddle Board Yoga, which I didn't even know was a thing, Indo Yoga combines standard yoga moves with a wobbly balance board to challenge your core and kick a little extra cardio into your yoga workout.

The workout cycled through a number of yoga pose combinations on the instability board, which was challenging enough for a yoga beginner like me. Add one to three special cushions under the board, and the level of instability increases from Moody Teenager to Reality Show Romance. It's a tough but gentle workout that will stretch your muscles and your balancing capabilities.

CLICK RAWR TO FIND YOUR CENTER IN WARRIOR POSE. OR SOMETHING.

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BLOG ZINE: Showdown at the Superlodionplex

by Kari Tervo

Good evening. Welcome to Blog Zine. Can I take your coat? Party of one? Follow me, I'll seat you at one of our scenic window booths. Your server will be right by with some warm bread. In the meantime, can I get you a soda, iced tea, or cocktail? Excellent, that will be brought right out. Here's the FAQ, and today's specials are humor and storytelling. Enjoy your meal.

Here's my rating system:

Here’s my Rating System:
Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ? - See more at: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/10/blog-zine-weekly-online-zine-reviews.html#sthash.cA4OZmLZ.dpuf

Recommended: !

It's Aiight: .

Maybe If You're Into That Sort of Thing:  ?

Wiseblood #59
Rating: !!!!
Price: not listed
Fishspit
Wiseblood 
c/o Fishspit
1304 175th Place NE
Bellevue, WA 98008

CLICK RAWR FOR YOUR DESSERT!

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BLOG ZINE! Life is Beautiful

by Kari Tervo

Hey! It's a new year! Welcome to 2014, and welcome back to Blog Zine, the weekly zine review column that does not always appear weekly! Sorry, it was the holidays. I was out in the desert, playing darts. I think that's a freaking cool excuse, if you have to have one.

What the heck are we doing here? Here's the FAQ. There will be a quiz.

CLICK RAWR TO HIT THE BULLS EYE ON A CHOICE ZINE!

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The 2014 Rose Parade: Flowers, Horses, and Co-Hosts Calling It In

by Kari Tervo

Mustard seed! Hydrangeas! And "nuts and leaves and bark and so on," according to co-hostess Stephanie Edwards. All fashioned into mobile rockets, robots, and giant baby heads! IT'S TIME FOR THE ROSE PARADE!

Every New Year's Day, Los Angeles TV station KTLA mounts a booth in the prime viewing spot on the Rose Parade route in Pasadena, and treats us all day to an 8-hour loop of "Bands! Horses! And flowered floats!" And best of all, the unscripted banter and non-sequiturs of long-time hosts Bob Eubanks (of game show hosting fame) and Stephanie Edwards. I'm pretty sure they can't stand each other and don't want to be there, which is part of the reason I watch the Rose Parade every year.

As I drove home in the early morning after an exciting evening of New Year's Eve festivities, I saw the Goodyear Blimp taking off from its base in Carson, CA. I didn't know it at the time, but it was on its way to the Rose Parade! I was excited to watch the parade, partly because I was really looking forward to watching Bob and Stephanie bicker. Sometimes Stephanie gets really mad! One year, I saw her terminate an employee during the credits. It went something like, "We thank Producer Brad Smith, Director Sarah Brown--well, she's fired!--Associate Director Lynn Cera. . ." 

You don't want to mess with Stephanie Edwards. I've seen Bob and Stephanie bicker plenty during past parades, but I think they were put on notice this year that they had to play nice. So there was a lot of, "Exactly, Bob!" and "I couldn't agree more, Stephanie!" It was a little disappointing, but I could sense the phrases were being spat through clenched teeth, so it was almost satisfying. 

CLICK RAWR TO PARADE AND PROMENADE!

DON'T TRIP OVER THE TUBA PLAYER OR THAT PILE OF HORSE POOP!

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Last Minute Gifts for EDM Fans! Get Holi-Crazy With These Dance-Friendly Finds

by Kari Tervo

Okay, it is freaking like, what, three days before Christmas? And you're realizing you need to get a quick gift for the EDM fan in your life. Here is a last-minute EDM holiday gift guide! A bunch of price points and some cool products.

$7.25

LED Light Show Gloves

These nifty gloves are cool in THREE ways: They're cool for giving light shows or just decorating yourself with blinky lights! Plus, they double as functional fashion at outdoor parties in the cold winter months. Third, these things are crazy on sale! Originally 20 bucks, they're less than $10 now! Go get 'em for your fave raver.

$20

Programmable Light Up Shoelaces 

 

Oh my goodness! This awesome rave accessory lights up in 20 different colors and has 13 different modes! I want a pair. I'm getting some.

CLICK RAWR FOR MORE GIFT IDEAS AND TO DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE!

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BLOG ZINE! The Most Interesting Man In The (Zine) World

by Kari Tervo

You want to talk zines, Gene? Then you should read the FAQ, Jack.

Oh, also? I haven't been getting a lot of my post office box mail since July. They thought I was dead.* So, if you sent me something for review, I just got it. And if you sent me a trade or something, I have things all sorted and will be tackling that stack regularly!

*I am not dead. Unless this is The Sixth Sense. In which case, you are also dead.** 

**Spoiler alert! Movies that came out in 1999 don't require spoiler alerts!

CLICK RAWR FOR THE MOST INTERESTING ZINE REVIEW IN THE WORLD!

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Where My Party People At?! An All-Star House Party Music Mix!

by Kari Tervo

Hey Pop Culture Beasties! Who wants to party?! I want to party! You want to party! We want to party! Let's party!

To party, we need a great house party music mix!

I tend towards EDM events these days for my music enjoyment, but I threw a certified bash for the Fourth of July in 2008. Well, by my standards. I invited 20 people, and 50 showed up. There were fireworks from a cool vantage point (accompanied by the Kiss version of the national anthem), many foods and drinks, unexpected actors passed out on the floor, and grown men throwing Pop Its in each others' faces! I even had a freaking pinata.

Photo Credit: Matt Carpenter

But what's all of that without a great soundtrack? Would any awesome even happen without one? When I go to a party, I love party music. You know, those songs pretty much everyone loves and can sing along to, or get a good groove going on. So when it came time to decide on music for my party, I thought about all the songs I love to sing along and dance to when I'm in a party mood.

People loved the mix! Walking through the room, I'd be hearing, "omg! I love this song!" People were dancing on the patio. But this was 2008! Would my mix stand the test of time? I recently unearthed those party mix CDs, and was really excited to find they're still mostly great. So, I want to share my list with you as inspiration for your own party mixes! 

CLICK RAWR TO UNLOCK A TREASURE CHEST OF AUDITORY PARTY FAVORS!

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IRON COMIC: The Time I Wrote A Joke With Kumail Nanjiani!

by Kari Tervo

Monday nights at Largo in Los Angeles have become legendary, primarily due to Tig Notaro's comedic confessions about her very difficult year in 2012. Even prior to Notaro's touching and talented set, Largo was known as a comedy laboratory: Monday nights are when comedians like Sarah Silverman show up to massage some new material. And it's a celebrity comedian oasis, too. One night, Ed Helms appeared on stage without any pre-announcement or fanfare. In this intimate small-theater setting, it's like a private party: It's impolite to gawk at the celebrities, and we're all on our best behavior. Any night you're at a Largo comedy night, you're probably going to feel lucky to have been there.

CLICK RAWR TO ENTER THE COMEDY OCTAGON!

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SPARK: Burning Man's Intentions Shine Through

by Kari Tervo

"I drew a line on the ground. And I said, 'On the other side of this line, everything will be different.'" So stated co-founder Larry Harvey in Spark, a documentary about Burning Man. He was speaking of the genesis of Burning Man, the long-running counter-culture festival of arts, music, and positive intent.

Burning Man is certainly a different world. It's a temporary near-utopia in the Nevada desert, a true phoenix that is born and dies in the span of a week every summer. But Spark, the Steve Brown-led documentary, shows us that not everything is different there out on that dusty playa playground. While conscious living and love are overarching principles of the event, its participants and organizers display human foibles that sometimes interfere with achieving those goals. With so much tension, can the spark of intention shine through?

CLICK RAWR FOR THE SPARK THAT WILL START YOUR FIRE!

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BLOG ZINE! The Grim Reaper In A Balloon Hat

by Kari Tervo

Zine reviews! What shall we talk about today? Hrm. Oh! Hey! It's the holiday season! How about two of America's favorite celebration topics: balloon animals and death!

Here's the FAQ, ya big dummy.

Here’s my Rating System:
Recommended: !
It’s Aiight: .
Maybe If You’re Into That Sort of Thing: ?

CLICK RAWR TO POP OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH A BALLOON ANIMAL AND ADORABLY SCARE THE ANGEL OF DEATH!

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